After an Affair Counseling
I am sure that you are devastated after discovering your partner is having or has had a physical or emotional affair. You likely feel that your whole world has been turned upside down when your partner acknowledged “yes” it happened. Perhaps you are filled with rage, confused, sad, depressed, or feeling like your whole relationship might be over. These reactions are natural and normal. It is often the only way you know how to respond to a commitment break-up or a realization that your partner was seeing someone else behind your back.
When one partner discovers that the other has had or is having an affair, the initial shock is accompanied by an unfathomable sickening feeling in both your heart and stomach. You may also have difficulty sleeping, eating, parenting, working, or participating in your normal daily activities. You think you will never be able to feel good again or get past your pain. You may even think about leaving your spouse or partner and ending the relationship.
Coping with Infidelity
After making this discovery and asking your partner questions, in an attempt to understand why you may now know details you wish you didn’t. Intrusive images and distressing emotions can begin popping into your head, making it difficult for you to even look at your partner, let alone talk with him or her. Your thinking may shift to the fact that you and your partner were drifting apart or arguing more often, but you never imagined cheating would happen in your relationship.
Are you the partner who engaged in the affair and now feels consumed by shame, sadness, guilt, grief, and regret? With the overwhelming emotions that you are currently experiencing in your relationship, you may wish you could go back in time and erase what happened. Perhaps you’re unsure how you let things go as far as they did and now know you have caused this enormous betrayal of trust and excruciating emotional pain. You may have rationalized that you were unhappy in your current relationship, and the reason for the affair was because you felt lonely. Maybe you were feeling dissatisfied, but now realize that you want to figure out how to heal your relationship instead of breaking up or divorcing.
Coping with infidelity is a confusing, exhausting, and painful experience for both partners. Also, many couples feel uncertain about what to do next, so they try to manage the aftermath independently instead of reaching out to family members or friends for fear of judgment, partner rejection, or contradicting advice.
You are Not Alone!
While it is normal to have these intense feelings, it is essential to remember that adultery does not in itself mean that a marriage cannot be saved. Approximately 70% of couples who have experienced cheating can resolve their problems and rebuild their marriage Statistics collected on infidelity show that infidelity happens to many couples, and not that this makes it okay, but you are not alone. In 2017, infidelity statistics suggested that in over 1/3 of marriages, one or both partners admit to cheating. Modern technology allows more people to connect than ever before – but this has also shown there are drawbacks, enabling people to conduct extramarital affairs, both physical and emotional.
The Associated Press and the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 22% of men say that they’ve cheated on their significant other at least once during their marriage, and 14% of women admit to cheating. Additionally, people are most likely to have affairs with co-workers, with as many as 36% of men and women reporting that they’ve had an affair with someone at their place of employment.
Many couples feel scared, angry, trapped, or lost after an affair with no clear direction for discussing the whole ordeal. An affair can make it feel as though the possibility of trust and connection has been sucked out of your relationship forever. It is usual for both partners to feel unable to start a conversation without lashing out or shutting down. The best way to begin rebuilding a new relationship is by communicating openly and honestly. The two of you need to understand why the choices were made that led to the affair to have a mutual understanding.
The good news is that affair recovery is possible. You can move forward together in the relationship, even if an affair ended your relationship. Thankfully, affair counseling offers the safe and stable space you both need to express your thoughts and emotions, reestablish trust, communicate honestly, and explore a new version for your relationship in the future.
The Path Towards Healing and Recovery
An affair is a relationship trauma. The effects of an affair are trauma to self-esteem, trust, and confidence in the relationship. The trauma can also provoke feelings of hurt, shame, betrayal, and other painful emotions. As an experienced therapist, I can help you recover from the overarching and consuming pain caused by the affair. I will provide therapeutic conversations and resources to help guide the process to reestablish trust, feelings of love, and respect in your relationship.
As an experienced therapist, I will work with you to identify the underlying causes which led to your infidelity and share effective strategies to change those inner dynamics which led to the affair in the first place. This is a very personal experience that requires honesty and trust from both of you. I can help you and your partner get back to where you want to be, and that is in a happy, committed relationship again.
Growing Back Together Is Possible
Together, we can agree upon boundaries and guidelines for talking about events and issues related to the affair. While things may feel painful or even impossible right now, if you and your partner are both engaged in the therapeutic process, I can help you work through the pain and to identify and build upon the strengths that already exist in your relationship.
I utilize Positive Psychology, Solution-Focused, and other theoretical orientations, drawing upon scientifically validated strategies that have been proven to bring lasting, positive change to struggling relationships. With the guidance and support of an experienced and compassionate couple’s therapist, you and your partner can nurture your well-being and build relationship happiness.
While the affair will never totally disappear from this chapter of your relationship, healing and recovery can occur as you work towards the rebuilding your life together. There is a way to work through an affair, strengthen your bond, and build a better future together.
